Seah is fine with it; we've developed our own special routines and fun things.
One thing we both do near the end of the night is to pray with our girls. My faith is not rock-solid, but I'm realizing a bit more every day, that regardless of my actual or perceived proximity to God, I have little to no choice but to trust in Him. Medicines, doctors, treatments are important, vital, but after all of that, our fate and outcomes are only in God's hands. I know that isn't a ringing endorsement of complete faith in God, but it's where I am today.
Anyways, last night Jeannie prays with Soph, and after praying for our family, she prays for a few of our friends who are sick or might have to undergo some further testing b/c of unknown diagnoses. Afterwards, Soph asks,
S: does, Ms. _ have owwies?
J: Yes, Ms. _ might have some owwies.
S: but I have big owwies, umma.
J: Yes, you have big owwies.
S: I have brain cancer, umma.
What do you do with that?
In the almost 5 years that we've had children, I have learned that children know and understand a lot more than we think or give them credit for. I'm sure a lot of you have found the same. As such, I've always spoken to my girls as people, explaining things even in "grown-up" terms (within reason & tact, of course). Much of the time, I don't expect much, but I still try to give a thorough, complete explanation. Who knows how much of it sticks, but they always surprise you, don't they?
Throughout this whole thing, I've been upfront with Soph about her condition, why she has to go to the hospital, rehab, get a port, get TPN, change her needle weekly, etc. Most of the time she doesn't have much of a reaction, probably b/c she thinks I'm crazy, but that conversation last night with J really hit us hard. We don't know how much she understands, but she knows a lot more than what she lets on.
Please continue to keep us in your prayers. 4 months after diagnosis, it's still hard for us. Hard for us to believe, hard for us to see, hard for us to be positive.
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