Trusting in the person of God

Spiritually, the journey hasn't been quite as impactful as I would have hoped it to be. But we keep going, and see small windows of how God speaks to us and wants to shape us thru this.

Another message from Dr. Steve (beginning to see a pattern here) from a few weeks ago, hit home again. Dr. Steve references Luke 7:1-10, the story of the centurion's faith, and how Jesus was amazed at this great faith. I'm not going to pretend I remember all the key points, but what resonated with me was his illustration of how one of his daughters had a potentially serious heart defect shortly after she was born. He described receiving the news from the doctors, and the intense, never-before-experienced desire to want to see her be ok. But he had no control over this, he could do nothing about it.

Have you ever wanted something so badly, but had no power to do anything about it?

Have we ever bargained with God, or used spiritual merit as justification for comfort, ease of life? Do we feel entitled to a "good" life?

Have you ever prayed for something so hard, so much, but it didn't happen? Have you chalked it up to, "I need more faith?"

Romans 3 says:

11 “There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands; there is no one who seeks God. 12 All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one.

We have no leg to stand on when it comes to using any sort of merit to justify mercy.

The centurion puts his faith in Jesus, the person, not in any ritual, his own merit, but his confidence was in who Jesus was. Dr. Steve says faith isn't a code to crack, or a complex formula that we need to follow, or just really powerful positive thinking, but the confidence/faith in our prayers should be solely and only in God's sovereignty and His desire for what's best for us. It may not be the outcome we desire, but we need to trust that what He gives us is for our own good.

Wow, well this describes our situation  What we want so desperately is for complete healing and cure for Soph. We have no control over this; we've spent hours bargaining with God, promising that we'll turn to Him, asking, begging for mercy, but we may be missing the point, to some degree. God wants us to understand who He is, what His heart is, to believe that He is a loving God, who wants good for us, whether we think it's good or not.

We are not there. It is so difficult for us to release our precious daughter and put her completely in God's hands. I am so so afraid of a 'God asking Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac' moment. I do not have the faith to be able to obey anything resembling that. I cannot help but to weep helplessly at night thinking of what life would be like if this cancer relapses and we lose her.

Would I still believe that God is good? Can I believe, thru the worst nightmare that I can imagine, that God is still working for our good? I don't know...

Lord, we don't have to be exactly like the centurion, or like Abraham, but help us understand what it means to have faith and trust in who You are, not in a desired outcome. Help us get there. Shape our small faith.